i can't sleep. I cry late at night so no one hears me.

I've started a will and i can't stop my intrusive suicidal thoughts. I keep reasoning with ending my life. I keep telling myself i don't hold much weight in anyone's life to stay. I don't have much value, right?.

I kill myself and poof it's over. I no longer exist, i no longer can think and feel. It would be infinite rest. 

I can't keep stressing over money, work, and life. 

I am not made for this. I feel so sick inside. Inside my head i feel impending doom for myself. 

It's a bit sad I've come to this point but is it really so bad? i keep saying this but i am just tired.

I ruin everything i touch and i don't want to keep causing further burden in people's lives. I keep trying to be better but it isn't enough, or i fail, or etc.. I'm so tired. I want to rest. 

who am i

 at this point in my life i feel hopeless.

I have no where to go that wouldn't eventually kill me inside.

My parents house will kill me. 

I tell my sister I'll be kicked out soon i need help and i get nothing. 

It doesn't feel like anyone cares.

I want a home. 

I want to rest my eyes. 

I don't want to stress about my housing anymore.

For years I've stressed over this.

For 22years I've never known who i am. 

I thought maybe i did but i don't.

Who am I?

I have no hope for my life 

I want to die

I want to give up on the idea that if i keep trying long enough something good can happen.

Please understand i am tired.

I want to sleep, forever.

I am not made for this stress. 

I hope no one holds this against me if i ever do it.

 I am tired

Why was I given life just to be abused. Abused by everyone. My family, friends, and partners.. I just want to be happy, I just want love. I'm miserable here

why am I still here?

At this point I wish I would die from some natural cause. I feel lifeless most days. My head is constantly hurting from the aching pain of being alive. I hate it here. I hate this planet. I hate my life. I have no one. I have nothing. I wasn't meant to live, it's not for me.

IM TIRED

One sided. ONE SIDED. ONE FUCKING SIDED

My heart hurts. It feels like no one exists. No one is real. No one cares enough.
I'm so tired of the disappointment and fake conversations. The fake people.

One sided

All my expressions night after night to you and for what? 

There is no effort, no passion, and fake love it seems like. 

It's just me as usual. I'm tired at this point.. I should stop trying,

Since you dont truly even bother. It's sad because I've tried for years.

I've gone through so much more than you can comprehend and just to

get nothing from you? A few weeks or months of you pretending to be the 

good person isnt enough. I'm over it. IM TIRED OF EVERYONE. 

Hi.

Is anyone there?

Feeling so detached from everything and anyone. Why don't I have family that feels like a family. Why couldn't I ever feel safe in that house. Why couldn't I call it home. Why did I need to move out in order to save myself? Why do I have to live on my own when I'm 18. How come I dont have any friends? I'm the most honest, funniest, and loyal person I can be. I try my hardest to be the best person I can ever be. I work on my mental heath everyday to better my future with anyone and myself. I try so hard to lead a happy life. Why is it that I live on my own now and still feel just as lonely as I did in that house full of people. That's depressing. I'm depressing. I don't have anyone but my partner. I dont have friends or family. It takes such a toll on me.. I just want to hang out and have some fun. Someone to have adventures and laugh with. I want a friend. I'm so tired of being alone. Its killing me that I have no one but my partner. They can only do so much. They can only fill so much of that void. I'm dying inside. I can feel it.